Emotionally Yours: The Lasting Impact of Parenting Styles

Written by : Reet Arora (1st year) Department of Applied psychology

"Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk." 
~ Carl Jung

Have you ever wondered why some kids seem calm and confident, while others are anxious, withdrawn, or quick to anger? While some children might have a disposition to it, one of the biggest influences on their emotional development is the way they are parented. From the tone of your voice when you correct them to the way you comfort them after a tough day – these moments matter more than we often realize.

It’s not just what we say to our kids – it’s how we live, how we listen, and how we love them that truly shapes who they become. Parenting isn’t just about setting rules or keeping children safe. It’s about teaching them how to navigate their feelings, form healthy relationships, and believe in themselves.

Diana Baumrind, a pioneering clinical and developmental psychologist, identified three main parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive in the 1960s. Later, researchers Maccoby and Martin added a fourth style, uninvolved or neglectful, expanding on her original framework. Each style shapes a child’s emotional growth in its own way. Here’s a closer look at what these styles mean and how they can affect children.

Exploring the Gold Standards: Authoritative Parents

Authoritative parenting is often described as ideal. These parents set clear boundaries but do so with warmth, patience, and understanding. They listen, explain, and guide rather than command. Authoritative parents encourage open communication, listen to their children’s feelings, and guide them with empathy.

Children raised in authoritative households typically develop strong emotional intelligence. They are better at managing their emotions, handling stress, and forming healthy relationships. They also tend to be confident and self-reliant because they grow up in an environment that balances love with accountability.

Dr. John Gottman, a leading psychologist in emotional intelligence, highlights the value of this approach: “When parents help their children understand and regulate their emotions while maintaining boundaries, they raise emotionally intelligent individuals who can thrive in any situation.” For example, an authoritative parent might acknowledge a child’s frustration over bedtime by saying, “I know you’re upset because you want to keep playing, but it’s important to rest so you’ll feel good tomorrow.” This validates the child’s feelings while reinforcing the rule.

The Strict Enforcers: Authoritarian Parents

Authoritarian parenting is all about rules and control—with less emphasis on warmth. They enforce strict rules and expect compliance without explaining the reasoning behind their decisions. While this approach can instill discipline in the short term, it often comes at the cost of emotional development.

Children raised by these parents may struggle with low self-esteem and difficulty managing emotions. They might internalize feelings of fear, shame, guilt, or resentment because they aren’t given the space to express themselves openly. Over time, this may lead to anxiety or rebellion.

Virginia Satir, a prominent family therapist, once said, “Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated.” This highlights the challenge authoritarian parenting poses, which is that children may feel underappreciated, unloved, or undervalued in the presence of a constantly critical parent. For example, if a child expresses sadness about not being allowed to attend a friend’s party, an authoritarian parent might respond with “Because I said so” rather than engaging in a conversation about why the decision was made. This dismissive approach can leave children feeling unheard.

A Friend Overly Lenient: Permissive Parents

Permissive parents are loving but lenient. They often avoid conflict and prioritize their child’s happiness above all else. While this style may create an affectionate relationship between parent and child, it can hinder the child’s ability to develop self-discipline and emotional regulation.

While their kids may feel deeply loved, they can also become impulsive or struggle with frustration because they haven’t learned how to cope with limits or delayed gratification. For instance, if a child throws a tantrum for candy at the store, a permissive parent might give in just to avoid conflict. While this satisfies the child momentarily, it teaches them that tantrums are an effective way to get what they want.

Baumrind herself warned about the risks of permissive parenting: “Parents who fail to set limits inadvertently deprive their children of the skills needed to manage frustration.” These children may grow up feeling loved but unprepared for situations where rules or boundaries are necessary.

The Neglectful Approach to Parenting: Uninvolved Parents

Uninvolved, or neglectful parenting, the most damaging of all, happens when a child’s emotional and physical needs are routinely ignored. This doesn’t always mean intentional harm; sometimes parents are overwhelmed, distracted, or emotionally unavailable. While this style may not always stem from neglect – it could result from personal struggles like mental health issues – it has profound consequences on a child’s emotional development.

Children raised by uninvolved parents often experience feelings of rejection or abandonment. They usually struggle with low self-esteem and have difficulty forming secure relationships later in life. Without parental guidance or emotional support, these children often turn to external sources like peers or media for validation and role models.

Psychologist Erik Erikson emphasized the importance of early relationships in building trust and emotional security: “A child’s sense of trust is built when caregivers consistently meet their needs.” When this trust is absent due to uninvolved parenting, children tend to grow up feeling disconnected from others and unsure of their own worth.

“The truth about our childhood is stored up in our bodies, and although we can repress it, we can never alter it.” 
~ Alice Miller

Home: a venture of emotions

Children don’t come into the world knowing how to handle disappointment, fear, or anger. They learn emotional regulation through the people closest to them. How to regulate themselves, express feelings, and understand others; and more often than not, that learning happens through quiet, everyday interactions. If a child cries and someone gently says, “It’s okay to feel upset. I’m here,” that sticks. If they mess up and someone says, “Let’s learn from this,” instead of yelling or shaming, that makes a difference. These may seem like small things, but over time, they quietly build up a child’s inner world, helping them feel safe and valued.

When a child grows up with parents who are emotionally present, those who set boundaries but also offer comfort, they begin to believe that their feelings matter and aren't afraid to feel deeply or to talk about what’s going on inside. That forms the basis of emotional development. But when a child is constantly criticized, ignored, or left to figure things out alone, it’s a different story. They might learn to keep their emotions locked away because no one ever made space for them.

Sometimes, they grow up believing that they have to earn love by being “good” all the time, or that showing emotions is weak. And those beliefs don’t just disappear; they grow with the child. They shape how they see themselves, how they let others treat them, and how they handle life’s storms.

“There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.”
~Sue Atkins

Finding Acquireness in Modern Parenting

Parenting has never been easy – but in today’s world, it comes with a new kind of complexity. Families are raising children in the middle of a fast-paced, often overwhelming environment. There are jobs to manage, messages to reply to, responsibilities to juggle, and an endless stream of information competing for attention. And somewhere in all of that, a child still needs someone to look them in the eye and simply be present.

Of course, culture and tradition also play a role. In some households, discipline is seen as love. In others, emotional closeness is prioritized over rules. Despite all, most parents find themselves trying to balance the way they were raised with what they now know about emotional health. At the same time, modern life doesn’t slow down. Children are growing up surrounded by screens and social media, exposed to more opinions than ever before. And parents may find it difficult to maintain emotional connection, especially when everything is moving so quickly.

Yet despite all this, the emotional needs of children haven’t changed. They still want to feel safe; they still want to be understood; and more than anything, they want to know that the people closest to them are really listening. That connection doesn’t come from grand gestures; it grows through small, everyday moments. These are the things that shape emotional security. They remind them that even when life is busy, love and attention are never out of reach.

You don’t have to be a perfect parent to raise emotionally healthy kids. In fact, perfection isn’t the goal; connection is. And it’s built through small, consistent acts of care.

Let your child cry without rushing to “fix” it. Talk to them, not just at them. Set clear boundaries, but explain why they matter. Say sorry when you mess up. Be curious about what your child feels, even when it’s uncomfortable. These things might seem small in the moment, but they add up. They create trust. They teach your child that emotions are not scary, wrong, or something to hide.

"Through others, we become ourselves." 
~ Lev Vygotsky

Parenting through Inner Child

Parenting styles often echo across generations, shaping not just one childhood but many. The way a person was parented as a child frequently influences how they raise their own children, whether they realize it or not.

Learning by Example

Children absorb a great deal simply by watching their parents. Those who grow up with authoritative parents-who balance warmth with clear boundaries-often carry those same habits into adulthood. They are likely to approach parenting with empathy and structure, mirroring the support and guidance they received.

Repeating or Rewriting the Script

However, not all inherited patterns are positive. Individuals raised in strict, authoritarian households or by emotionally distant parents sometimes find themselves falling into similar habits, especially in challenging situations. Breaking away from these patterns can take conscious effort and self-reflection.

Finding Changes

The encouraging news is that change is always possible. Many parents look back on their own upbringing and make a deliberate choice to do things differently-perhaps by being more patient, more communicative, or more affectionate. Support from friends, family, or parenting resources can help them build healthier approaches.

Conclusive Thought: Happy turnovers of ‘ being there’

Parenting is a journey full of highs and lows, joy and uncertainty. Every parent wonders at some point, “Am I doing enough? Am I doing it right?” And while there’s no perfect formula for raising emotionally healthy kids, research shows that how one parent matters deeply.

Authoritative parenting gives children the best chance to grow into resilient, emotionally intelligent adults. These kids learn that their feelings are important, boundaries keep them safe, and mistakes are opportunities to learn. As Dr. John Gottman puts it, “Emotion coaching is the key to raising happy, resilient, and well-adjusted kids.”

But parenting doesn’t always follow the rules. Many parents find themselves switching between styles: being strict out of fear or lenient out of exhaustion. What matters most isn’t perfection; it’s presence and consistency. Kids notice when you listen, when you admit your mistakes, and when you keep trying, even on hard days. As Carl Rogers said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn – and change.” Parenting is as much about growing yourselves as it is about guiding your children.

The emotional lessons kids learn at home – how to handle anger, comfort others, or ask for help – shape their relationships and self-worth for years to come. Of course, no parent can do it alone. Support from family, teachers, and the community makes all the difference. And for those who didn’t experience ideal parenting themselves, healing is always possible. As Virginia Satir said, “We must not allow other people’s limited perceptions to define us.” With reflection and support, cycles can be broken and new patterns created.

At its heart, parenting is about connection. It’s about showing up, listening deeply, and loving your kids for who they are while helping them grow into who they can be. The legacy you leave isn’t in the rules you enforce; it’s in the relationships you build: one hug, one conversation, one moment at a time!

References

Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of authoritative parental control on child behavior. Child Development, 37(4), 887–907. https://doi.org/10.2307/1126611

Baumrind, D. (1967). Child care practices anteceding three patterns of preschool behavior. Genetic Psychology Monographs, 75(1), 43–88. https://www.academia.edu/85086794/BAUMRIND_Diana_Child_Care_Practices_Anteceding_T hree_Patterns_of_Preschool_Behavior

Erikson, E. H. (1950). Childhood and society. W. W. Norton & Company. https://openlibrary.org/books/OL6071256M/Childhood_and_society.

Ginsburg, G. S., & Jablow, M. M. (2011). Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings. Hachette UK. https://archive.org/details/buildingresilien0000gins

Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. https://archive.org/details/onbecomingperson00roge

Satir, V. (1988). The new peoplemaking. Science and Behavior Books. https://archive.org/details/newpeoplemaking00satirich

Vygotsky, L. S. (1978). Mind in society: The development of higher psychological processes. Harvard University Press. https://archive.org/details/mindinsocietydev00vygo

Written by: Reet Arora

Reviwed by:

Patmateertha ( Associate editor)

Kashvi Magan (Deputy Senior Content team Coordinator)