Self Esteem: The Most Powerful Tool For Self Growth

“Why should we worry about what others think of us? Do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do on our own?” ~ Brigham Young

On a bright Sunday morning, we get dressed up and go out. We think it looks amazing, but someone gives us a bad compliment. All our confidence is likely to fade away and we want to go back home or just run away. When we see people around us achieving great things and doing so much more in life than we are, we can easily let it affect us and make us feel negative about our own self-worth.

We all face moments like these filled with uncertainty, where we doubt ourselves. This might revolve around the conception of our physical appearance or our capabilities. At some point or the other, we all have been prey to inferiority complexes wherein we question each and everything about us. Such feelings are completely natural and common.

But, the question that arises is that, how can we get past such feelings? The answer is; by boosting our self-esteem. So, what exactly is “self-esteem”?

Self-esteem is an individual’s subjective evaluation of their worth. Our self-esteem is deeply affected by our environment; the way we are treated by and looked upon by others somehow affects the way we look at ourselves. Young children while growing up are constantly trying to figure out about themselves and their personalities. While growing up, most people are subsumed by dilemmas about who they are and where they belong in this complicated world of ours. They try to “fit in” the environment around them.

The way a young child is treated by their surroundings and the people around them eventually shapes how they see themselves. How they are recognized by their family members highly affects the way they think about themselves and what they are worth.

Imagine always being praised by your parents and teachers, that will increase your self-esteem. Now, imagine everyone around you getting appreciated and noticed but you getting neglected or being subjected to constant criticism and being given zero motivation to do anything. Being in this type of environment can worsen a person’s self-esteem and lead to self-doubt in individuals, especially young children.

The child may feel inferior to others and may not be able to develop his/her self-confidence, would always be shy, and avoid showing up at social gatherings. This lack of recognition can make a child feel alone, lost, and unworthy of love. It can make them feel that they don’t deserve the happiness that other people of the same age are receiving. It can suffocate the child and drain their energy out to a point, where they don’t feel confident enough to even express their opinions, they no longer think that their opinions are valid or worth the attention. As a result of all this, a child’s mental health gets highly deteriorated. Parents and teachers need to provide a healthy environment for growth and development for young children so that they get space to express themselves and achieve whatever they wish to.

Multiple factors can affect a person’s self-esteem – childhood, society, the media, and the people in the environment around them. All this can either add to a person’s sense of self-worth or deteriorate it.

If left unchecked, low self-esteem could lead to a variety of mental health issues including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, poor social functioning, school dropout, and risk-taking behavior. It can also lead to the development of unhealthy habits, which can in turn wreak havoc on one’s physical and mental health. It can prevent us from doing important things in our life, such as building healthy relationships, progressing in our career, or achieving our goals, by reducing our efficiency levels and hampering our growth and development.

The beneficial outcomes of positive self-esteem shown by research results include mental well-being, happiness, adjustment, success, academic achievements, and satisfaction. It is also associated with better recovery after severe diseases.

The design and implementation of mental health programs with self-esteem as one of the core variables is an important and promising development that could contribute towards promoting health.

To gain an intelligible insight and understanding from individual perspectives, Psytivity (Departmental Blog of the Applied Psychology Department, Shyama Prasad Mukherjee College for Women, University of Delhi) interviewed Manvi Mehrotra (Blog Coordinator, Psytivity) and Ishika Khandelwal (Coordinator, Editing Team, Psytivity). Both are currently pursuing a Bachelors in Applied Psychology from Shyama Prasad Mukherjee College, University of Delhi.

Why do you think it’s important to talk about self-esteem?

Manvi – It’s important to talk about self-esteem because it affects people’s choices and decisions. It motivates us and helps us in striving towards attaining our goals. Our self-esteem also makes an essential part of our personality. Our self-esteem helps us believe that our ideas, opinions, and feelings have worth.

Ishika – It’s important to talk about self-esteem because it heavily influences a person’s choices and daily life decisions. It also influences how I think about different things; for example, if my self-esteem is higher then, I would not compare everything with myself and differentiate properly between myself and others. Self-esteem also influences our values. Therefore, it is an extremely important aspect of our lives.

How much do other people’s opinions affect your self-esteem positively or negatively?

Manvi – I remember when I was in school, I received criticism several times from my teachers but there was one incident that impacted my self-esteem a lot. In 10th standard, I had participated in an ICSE debate competition. I had never done debates before this. I prepared a lot for this competition but eventually couldn’t win. After the competition, my teacher started criticizing me but I told her that I was happy with my performance given that I did it for the first time. What she replied was, “It doesn’t matter; you didn’t win”. I never participated in debates after that.

Earlier other people’s opinions did affect my self-esteem but it doesn’t bother me much now as I’ve learned to be more resilient.

Ishika – Other people’s opinions do indeed affect my self-esteem both positively and negatively. A few years back my speaking speed was really fast and I faced criticism for that, so that lowered my self-esteem, even when I loved participating in debates and different activities I couldn’t because my self-esteem dropped low. Also, people’s positive opinions have helped me improve my self-esteem.

How much are you affected in an environment of people with high or low self-esteem?

Manvi – To be honest, I take it positively either way.

For example – If I’m surrounded by people who are high on self-esteem I get inspired by them and get motivated to do better and better every day. I have led quite a number of teams and I have been in situations where my team members keep questioning themselves and often indulged in self-doubt, then I try to encourage them to do better and make them believe in themselves.

So both the instances, let it be an environment of people with high or low self-esteem, bring out a positive side in me.

Ishika – Honestly, I think if people around me are one’s with really high self-esteem that can at times make me feel a bit low in my confidence and self-esteem, whereas if I’m in an environment where people have low self-esteem then I feel confident and my self-esteem gets enhanced.

According to you what is positive self-esteem?

Manvi – Positive self-esteem is basically having high self-esteem. In my words, it is about considering yourself worthy, capable, and respectable. It’s about valuing yourself and being proud of what you’re doing. It helps us feel confident.

Ishika – I would like to describe positive self-esteem in one word that is “self-love”. It’s about being clear about who you are and what your opinions are. For example- I feel that I am confident enough to stand between a group of individuals. Android says that I support LGBTQ+ community rights even when all of them don’t, I won’t let my opinion change under any influence of any other person.

How do you think that low self-esteem affects our attitude towards life?

Manvi – Low self-esteem makes us pessimistic. People with low self-esteem tend to think negatively. They doubt themselves, their decisions, achievements, goals, etc. As a result of this, a lot of people give up before even starting a task as they think that they won’t be able to do it.

Ishika – I think that low self-esteem leads to stress, anxiety, and loneliness. In turn, our productivity is hampered and our life quality is greatly impacted.

What according to you is the cause of low self-esteem?

Manvi – There could be many causes of low self-esteem but the most prominent one would be consistent criticism from people around us. Now, these people can be our parents, teachers, friends, siblings, or even our relatives and neighbors. Moreover what affects us more is when that criticism gets into our heads and we start believing them more than we believe ourselves.

Ishika – Self-esteem can be affected by factors such as low self-confidence, unexpected stressful events, and social media. Moreover, family, friends, and peers can have both positive and negative impacts on one’s self-esteem.

How do you think one can overcome low self-esteem?

Manvi – Overcoming low self-esteem could be a difficult task to accomplish but not impossible. You can give yourself some positive reminders or affirmations, do what you love, pursue a hobby, and explore new opportunities. Trying something new helps a lot as it gets you out of your comfort zone and widens your horizons. And the most important thing that you can do is, not care about what other people think of you.

Ishika – Overcoming low self-esteem requires a lot of conscious effort, which can range from surrounding yourself with people who make you feel equal to them and don’t condescend to write small positive notes to yourself every day. Incorporating self-love can do wonders for a person’s self-esteem.

What changes do you think can be inculcated by our society to enhance the self-esteem of adolescents?

Manvi – Teachers play a vital role in building positive self-esteem in young minds. So, they should be very mindful not to criticize their students every now and then, and appraise them even if they fail or do not perform that well academically or in extra-curricular. Moreover, parents should praise and appreciate children over the slightest of efforts and achievements. Even if the child fails at something he/she must be appreciated for making that effort of trying. Other than this, we can appreciate and motivate our friends when they try to do something. Making them believe that they’re doing great and are capable of doing better can really give a push to their self-esteem.

Ishika – I believe that one’s family plays a very important role in shaping an individual’s self-esteem as they form our immediate environment. If our family can’t accept us the way we are, we won’t be able to expect society to accept us. We as a society should stop enforcing societal norms on people, as this limits people’s freedom and potential to do what they want to do and be their true selves. Society should embrace adolescence and not enforce their expectations on them. They should help them find their identity and be a helping hand in an adolescent’s path of development.

Do you feel like our current social media setup guides a person towards seeking validation to cope with their low self-esteem?

Manvi – Yes absolutely. As per the current scenario we, especially adolescents try to seek constant validation from social media in the form of pictures, comments, likes, etc. We at times get disheartened when we do not get any text when we check our phones after a while or when we don’t get ‘enough’ likes and comments on the picture we just posted. And not to forget all the trolling that takes place. We use social media just before falling asleep and immediately after waking up.

Ishika – Yes, I do think so. We approach social media with the conception that it would help us build our confidence and self-esteem, but what ends up happening in many cases is that it acts as an escape from the low self-esteem issues a person might have. For example, a lot of people indulge in the negative practice of trolling, that is, they target prominent personalities on social media. In a messed up manner, these people feel a boost in their self-worth and esteem, by attacking other people. Their toxic comments are “liked” and supported by other users, with similar issues, and the commenter feels validated.

What positive values do you think one can infuse to enhance their self-esteem?

Manvi – There’s a lot of things we can do to enhance self-esteem such as believing in ourselves, appreciating ourselves even for the slightest of efforts that we make, trying new things and taking risks, maintaining distance from toxic people, acknowledging our strengths, and using positive affirmations.

Ishika – We should stop comparing our struggles, strengths, limits, achievements with others.

We must acknowledge who we truly are as a person, and stay true to our real selves. Communicating with oneself is something important. Positive self-affirmations are also a great way to boost one’s self-confidence. Moreover, working on enhancing one’s strengths can be helpful towards feeling confident and empowered. We should be compassionate towards ourselves, and limit self-criticism.

The interview established different aspects of what is self-esteem and how it is significantly relevant to our everyday lives. Here are a few recommended tips to incorporate healthy self-esteem that would help you towards believing in yourself and standing tall in the face of whatever life might throw at you!

Use positive affirmations: positive affirmations are designed to flare up optimistic, joyful feelings, attitudes, and thoughts.

Replace self-criticism with self-compassion: Reframe the comments made by your inner critic in a constructive and friendly way. Self-catering compassion leads us to healthy self-esteem.

Acknowledge your strengths: Stop diminishing your strengths and achievements. Name and celebrate everything that makes you proud.

Set a small goal and achieve: Instead of setting up unrealistic goals, set small goals you can achieve. Achieving small goals will boost your confidence and prepare you to achieve even bigger goals.

Identify negative reinforcements: Ask yourself what people, places, or things seem to deflate your self-esteem and make you feel bad about who you are:

Stop being a perfectionist:

None is perfect and trying to be one will only bring disappointment. Acknowledging achievements and recognizing mistakes is a way to maintain a positive outlook.

Avoid comparing yourself to others: comparison leads to negative self-talk and keeps you focused on what you don’t like about yourself and your life. Especially with social media and the ability to project a perfected and gleaming appearance.

Living with a good company:

Spending more of your time with supportive and reassuring people and lesser time with despairing people.

Humans are social beings, therefore it’s our natural tendency to want to get approval from others. But, should their approval always matter?

It certainly shouldn’t, because a person is not a flower to please everyone and it’s not their responsibility to satisfy others’ opinions about them but rather it’s our responsibility to satisfy our own opinion about us, to love ourselves and be proud of who we are. It’s important to realize that we are the ones that have the most impact and influence on our self-esteem.

Incorporating positive self-esteem and learning to love oneself can make a person realize that just like anyone else they too deserve compassion and all the joys that life has to offer. Improving one’s self-esteem can bring people out of self-sabotaging cycles and help them go after what they want with more motivation and focus than ever before.

“You have to believe in yourself when no one else does – that makes you a winner right there.” ~Venus Williams

Written and Interviewed by:

Palak Singla

Tanishka Tanwar

Interviewee:

Manvi Mehrotra

Ishika Khandelwal

Reviewed By:

Aasis Kaur Sethi

Labhanshi Mittal