Relationship - A Diverse Bond

Feb 14, 2021
7 min read

Updated: Feb 6, 2022

According to Ancient Greek mythology, there are 8 types of love. Eros, Philia, Storge, Agape, Pragma, Ludus, Mania, and Philautia. Apart from Philautia (self-love), the other types are seen in interpersonal relationships. A relationship is a state of being connected to others in an enduring bond. These kinds of bonds can last throughout life or might not even last for more than a few months. We start to make bonds pretty early in our lives. Starting from bonds with our caregivers, we bond with strangers making friends, and then partners. Romantic and intimate relationships become an integral part of our lives , sometimes even more than familial or platonic bonds. They start to overpower aspects of our lives and can even become the centre of our universe.

TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS

When we talk of romantic relationships, we have a stereotypical mental image. There are two people who are affectionate towards each other. There are various types of relationships that are spotted.

There are long-distance relationships where partners are separated geographically. They do not get to interact on one on one basis regularly, and the only means of communication is technology. It is often observed that managing these relationships is tough as compared to those where frequent meets are possible. This could perhaps be due to trust issues and communication gaps.

Dependent relationships are also very common these days. Such relationships have a sense of ‘dependency’ among the partners for love and support. While both keep their relationship an essential part of their lives, they also have a life beyond it. Engaging in other activities, and with people, etc. When needed, the partners are present there for each other in their highs and lows, benefitting from it. It creates issues when this dependency turns into codependency. This situation becomes detrimental for the people involved. It causes emotional distress, and the codependent one will try to meet the requirements and please the other. The consequences won’t matter, as their world revolves around their partner.

One of the most common terms we come across is a toxic relationship. It can be harmful to one’s mental health and well-being. While a healthy relationship might boost our self-esteem and respect, a toxic relationship robs us out of it. It might even lead to emotional, mental, and physical damage. It is marked by both the partners caring just about themselves, their wants, needs and desires with little or no regard for the feelings of each other. This type of relationship is characterised by dominance, selfishness, and disrespect instead of understanding, selflessness. It robs them of their freedom. To say the least, such relationships are dysfunctional.

An open relationship is another term we come across often these days. In layman’s language, such relationships involve very little to no commitment. They cannot be termed as ‘romantic’ due to the absence of romance and feelings. So, they exist in order to seek physical satisfaction wherein the partners are free to date and have physical relationships with multiple partners. Both the partners agree to and are fully aware of the other person’s sexual relation with others and they cannot object to it. They are also named as non-exclusive relationships. People still look down upon such relationships. About 31% of women and 38% of men engage in open relationships.

THE HIERARCHY OF NEEDS

Renowned psychologist Abraham Maslow gave the hierarchy of needs which explains how a human being’s biggest goal is to become self-actualized. Self-actualization means being the best of oneself. He believed that a self-actualized person has achieved their highest potential. But to achieve that, one needs to fulfil certain needs. These needs include; food and shelter, belongingness and love. The need to love and belongingness is something instinctual. Right after birth, we need to emotionally bond with the people around us. We get attached to our parents, our siblings, and then with our friends and later partners. The need to create physical and emotional bonds reinforces a sense of security, which helps with the feeling of belongingness. Emotional and physical intimacy has another advantage; serotonin. Every time we are physically or emotionally intimate with anyone, our body secretes serotonin. It is called the “feel good” hormone. Hence being in a relationship has both biological and emotional advantages.

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

Being in a relationship isn’t exactly a fairytale. It is important to keep in mind that people in a relationship are humans. Like any other human, they have flaws. Some of the common problems faced by couples are mentioned below:

Appreciation, Acknowledgement, or Lack Thereof– When you see your partner cooking every day or cleaning the bathroom every week, you get used to the idea of them doing it. But what if they stopped one day? This is when we realise how much our partners do for us. It is said that it’s the little things that add up to a big picture. This is more true in a relationship than anywhere else. Hence, it’s important to appreciate and acknowledge their efforts for us. Regular tasks make us take them for granted. This becomes a problem in toxic relationships, where one individual shames and manipulates the other. But if we keep ourselves in their shoes and imagine how nice it must feel to be acknowledged, then appreciating them becomes easier.

You’re insecure, don’t know what for” [What makes you beautiful (One Direction)]– We feel insecure about something stemming from within ourselves. It can extend to self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, dependency on our partner, and so on. This leads to jealousy, over-possessiveness, snooping around, and lack of trust in our partner. All this can lead to aggression and violence in toxic relationships. A good way to combat this is to stop that doubtful inner voice in the head. The more you become confident, the more you’re secure with yourself and in the relationship.

Communication Conundrum- They say “communication is the key” and it is right. Many relationships suffer breakdowns due to the ignorance of a single fact; ‘communication’. Lack of communication brings gaps, first the small ones followed by bigger ones. Many things are left unsaid and grudges are held out. An attitude of forgiving but never forgetting develops. Here it is important to take a step back and see where exactly the gap starts. Where the channel breaks; is it during shopping for groceries or surfing for furniture? Find the root of the problem, and then the common ground where you can stand on certain issues. A little conversation, a nice cuddle, and a sweet smile can drain away the stress from the fights.

Lockdown Hell- While the expectations of many couples living together were to have quality time from this lockdown, for some it did not go as planned. Numerous reasons are enumerated:

○ Lack of excitement

○ Communication gap

○ Unequal distribution of household chores

○ Lack of personal space

One way to deal with it is to talk it out. Once you know what’s going on with your partner, you can figure out what to do next. You can also enjoy Netflix nights, dinner dates, book reading sessions on the balcony, and learning a new hobby together. This not only helps you reconnect with your partner but also helps in bringing back the lost spark in your relationship.

RELATIONSHIP AND TABOOS

In India, many parents still do not accept their children forming romantic relationships. This often leads to teenagers hiding it from their parents. If parents get to know of it, they resort to extreme actions like snatching away their phones or grounding them. They believe that the outside world has ‘corrupted’ the minds of their innocent kids. “If a girl starts to misbehave, it is best to take away the element of beauty, her hair”, a boy was brutally thrashed with a leather belt by his father for having a romantic relationship. And let’s not start about the taboo around queer relationships. Even though the situation has become better than before in our country, we still have a long way to go…

In India, the trend of “live-in” relationships is growing, especially among young adults. In these relationships, a couple live together even though they are not married. Such couples receive the disapproving looks of neighbours and are frowned upon because they do not keep up with the culture. No laws exist to protect such relationships; a rule passed in 2013 states that a man and a woman living together for a prolonged period shall be resumed married if not proven

otherwise.

Sex before marriage is another aspect of a relationship that is looked down upon. Many couples who live with their families do not get privacy and thus, lack physical intimacy. Successful relationships can be understood through a triangle. It involves love, intimacy and space. Lack of a single element leads to the failure of the relationship. Even though young couples get to spend some time together, it is not that easy. We have heard of groups of people like Bajrang Dal and the Police who raid hotels and public parks. Looking for couples and beating them if found canoodling. Hence, the situation is atrocious.

In India, couples belonging to the LGBTQ+ community are already marginalised. Above that, they find it difficult to rent apartments or walk around with their partners. Chances are that of turning heads and eyes gazing at them. The stereotype still revolves in the mind of the pupil that they are suffering through some kind of ‘disease’ and are not maintaining the dignity of Indian culture. Often, they have to lie about being brothers or sisters to be able to rent a shelter.

Numerous other taboos exist in India, which need our attention and effort. Taking one step towards making a change can help improve the situation and put an end to these taboos. After all, it is all about one’s mindset.

AT THE END OF THE DAY

Everyone seeks love in life. It’s a necessity for survival. Humans have an inherent desire to be close to people. We need to understand that it is erroneous to manipulate, judge, or try to change them. Healthy relationships are good for everyone and even lead to an increase in self-esteem and self-growth. But, it is very important to realise that such relationships require time and effort. Insolvency of both the partners and the willingness to help each other grow. Not only do we have to respect ourselves, but also the other person. When things seem off track, effort, time, trust and communication can set things right!

We never know what is going to happen next, therefore, it is important to treasure all the memories. Henceforth value the person you love. Managing relationships is a taxing task, but it is worth it! In other words [End of the Day (One Direction)]:

All I know at the end of the day

If you love who you love, there ain’t no other way!

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!