Crossroads of Life: Love and Fear

Love and fear are instinctive in humans , both have their significance in life. Love is a comprehensive phenomenon which plays a vital role in a person’s life. When people fear, they try to discrete from the root of fear and when they love, they try to engross with it as much as possible. Love becomes more generous when combined with affection, compassion, commitment and empathy.

The term “love” has been explored and studied from a psychological perspective to a great extent.

WHAT IS LOVE IN PSYCHOLOGY?

Fredrickson defined love as an “Interpersonally situated and socially shared experience of one or more positive emotions

marked by Investment in well being of the other, Social bonds, Commitment and Biobehavioral synchronisation.“

Robert Sternberg, a psychologist, developed the triangular theory of love. According to the theory, three components of love are intimacy, passion and commitment.

Intimacy encompasses feelings of closeness and attachment. Passion encompasses drives to sexual desirability and commitment is the decision to remain with one another.

HEALTH BENEFITS OF LOVE

• Lessens depression and substance abuse

• Eases anxiety

• Improves stress management skills

• Helps in leading a happier life

LOVE AND VULNERABILITY

“We are never so vulnerable as when we love.” ~Sigmund Freud

It is the initial stage, the act of unlatching ourselves to the other, showing who and what we really are for the first time which makes us vulnerable. We desire acceptance but we are well aware with the fear of rejection. Due to this vulnerability, many are incapable of genuine human connection.

As the world opens its arms to welcome 14th February,

a day when love is a luxury,

When hearts are tied with affection’s band,

With roses awaiting in every lover’s hand.

Then who’s sitting alone on the bench?

With shattered dreams and feelings of wrench.

Some are caged in terms and conditions of society,

Their subconscious is afraid of the almighty.

What feelings then prevail all above?

Is it self acceptance or fear of love?

Akanksha Soni (I-YEAR)

For some people the day of valentine’s could mean a range of emotions, while for others it could be just another day. At its core this day depicts love and happiness, which may not necessarily mean romantic relationships. Rather, it should be about us feeling good about ourselves, without the constraints of society. Let’s reinforce the reality of this day as it should not have to be centred around having a partner to celebrate but showering all the love onto ourselves that we intend to provide others.

There may be times when adolescents are carried away with the indirect peer pressure which is inevitable, thinking that it is imperative to be in a relationship. And if they fail, they begin questioning their worth which directly interferes with their mental well-being. Normalising not having a relationship is something to be heard.

There are a variety of fears that adolescents encounter. Some of them are listed below:

FEAR OF BEING DIFFERENT

All of you are welcome here. You are seen. You are valued. You are celebrated.

Issues related to mental health are faced by everybody but the Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender community encounter these even more. This is entirely because of the stigma attached which prevents them from reaching out for help.

A survey found that 10% of people from the LGBTQ community don’t seek help due to disrespect and mistreatment. Study found 61% have depression, 45% have PTSD, and 36% have anxiety disorder. 39% of LGBTQ considered attempting suicide, 2 in 3 LGBTQ youth report that someone has tried to convince them to change their sexual orientation.

Still there are parents who refuse to accept their children if they depict any trait of being different in regards to their sexual preferences and persuade them to suppress their feelings. For them, loving someone from the same gender is still a sin which in turn leads to fear, trauma and low self-esteem among children . Parents should be mindful of the complexities with which their children are dealing with.

FEAR OF BODY IMAGE

“Your appearance does not define your worthiness”

If I look good, will people like me more, and will then I be worthy? NO!

Falling in love is an emotional turbulence at any stage of life , but for adolescents, managing these feelings could be even more troublesome. Youngsters feel self-conscious about their bodies or have unrealistic body standards such as fair complexion, tall height, hourglass body etc., which later intermediate with their mental peace.

Peace comes with accepting the body you have, not with perfecting all your flaws.

FEAR OF BELIEFS

It takes great capacity to hold opposing points of views without rejecting others’ opinions. An attribute of a stable relationship is how two people handle contradictions and discrepancies. If the beliefs of people differ, that does not mean that they are not good enough to be together.

FEAR FROM LOVE

A lot of people are not very fascinated with the idea of getting into a relationship as they’ve been witnesses to the nasty experiences encountered by their parents or closed ones. By observing the nature of their relationship – the conflicts, arguments, difference of opinions, violence etc., leaves a very negative impact on the entire concept of being with someone.

FEAR OF LOSING

The joy of having each other is usually coupled with the fear of separation. The one question which challenges the very foundation of our relationships is – Are we continuing to stay with someone out of love or out of fear?

Fear in the sense of how our life would be without them. It has been quoted that humans are social animals who seek company, fearing loneliness and solitude. According to behavioural psychology, staying together is promoted by wanting to avoid the feelings of loneliness and withdrawal.

Amidst all the hustle, we forget whether we are drawn by what we love or by what we fear.

When we lose somebody, it feels as if a part of us got lost with them. However, this does not mean that we will carry the emotional baggage for the rest of our life.

SELF LOVE

Our impression regarding self love is inherited in the early years of life from those who cared for us. It gets embedded unconsciously ; we get a glance from watching those who nurtured us. Let’s take an outward step and start valuing ourselves. The fear of love stems from our own selves.

Like Erich Fromm stated, “ You can’t love a person until you love yourself ”.

Our goal should be filling those empty spaces in our heart with love, compassion , and mindfulness. Valentine’s could also be an ideal time to unwind and pamper ourselves in the following ways-

• Order yourself a pizza and binge watch your favourite show.

• Sleep in late, do some skincare regime and make yourself a dessert.

• Utilise this time to give your body rest, as constantly being active does not give the brain a chance to replenish itself.

• Engage yourself in some meditation techniques – ample studies have proven the efficacy of meditation on depression and anxiety disorders by releasing cortisol.

• This day also gives you an absolute opportunity in acknowledging people who hold a special place in your heart. Make an attempt to give them a present and to greet them over facetime.

These things not only fill you up with euphoria and reduce stress but also significantly increase a sense of self love. Lastly, remind yourself that YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE!

Written by:

TANISHKA TANWAR (I-YEAR)

Research by:

ISHIKA KHANDELWAL (II-YEAR)

AKANKSHA SONI (I-YEAR)

Review by :

MANVI MEHROTRA (II-YEAR)

AASIS KAUR SETHI (II-YEAR)

LABHANSHI MITTAL (I-YEAR)