Acceptance, Love and Pride: A Conversation

“Equality means more than passing laws. The struggle is won in the hearts and minds of the community, where it really counts.” ~BARBARA GITTINGS

Love is love, right? But, living in the 21st century has not resolved the common but least talked about stigma surrounding the LGBTQIA+ community. Everybody in our society preaches for a collectivistic culture and love within communities. The love between a male and female is treated as magic in life but tables turn around when somebody loves another person from the same gender. Thus, at that time, love becomes a disease. This notion of stereotyped love norms has turned individuals to question their sexual orientation, personality, and other aspects. As a result, many individuals experience various issues like suicidal tendencies, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and difficulty in self-acceptance.

Fortunately, Indian media is positively spreading awareness about the LGBTQIA+ community through movies, TV shows, and other social media platforms. For instance, many Bollywood films and TV shows have come up like Shubh Mangal Zyada Savdhaan, Margarita with a Straw, Kapoor and Sons, Aligarh, Timeout, and others. However, just like every coin has its two sides, the media also lacks in showing the struggles of the LGBTQIA+ community in the right way. There is a long way to go in a full-fledged acceptance of the LGBTQIA+ community. The country’s youth is trying to educate people about the community, bringing to their knowledge that “love is love”, while constantly fighting for the rights of the community. And, this fight will not stop until equality is achieved. Just as Harvey Mik said, “Hope will never be silent.”

To gain a clear insight and understanding of LGBTQIA+ struggles, acceptance, and Pride, Psytivity (The Blog of the Department of Applied Psychology, Shyama Prasad Mukherji College for Women, University of Delhi) interviewed an LGBTQIA+ youth, who has experienced discrimination and seclusion due to his sexual orientation and has proudly overcome them.

What are your pronouns? When did you become conscious about your sexual orientation, and when did you come out?

My pronouns are he/him. I don’t know exactly when I started having feelings for the same gender. But, I remember that I began looking at men at the age of around 14-15 years. It was a bit awkward and confusing for me to be going through this. At that time, there was less awareness in our society about the LGBTQIA+ concept.

Moreover, I came out at the age of 18, first to my best friend as I have always felt more comfortable in the company of people I’m close to. Then, after gathering courage and confidence, I came out to my family. I didn’t directly speak to them; instead, they caught me with my partner. But, coming out was difficult for me as I received a lot of tantrums from closed ones. Moreover, my friends and other people started discriminating against me on the basis of my sexual identity.

How did people react to it when you told them about your sexual orientation?

No, I didn’t tell anyone directly about my sexuality. I thought, telling others won’t help me, and I will only face more discrimination but when I told my friends about it, the main comment I received was, “Dekhne me lagta nahi” (“You don’t look like that”). Initially, my parents also had a very awkward reaction about my coming out of the closet. Moreover, many people weren’t even aware of many aspects of the LGBTQIA+ community. If I tell other people, I know I will receive reactions like “This is nothing”, “It’s just in your head”, “Part of growing up”, or “It can be just a phase” and the most common one is “It is a disease, go see a doctor”. It is so horrifying to listen and witness such comments. But, some people have been supportive about it, including my parents and other near and dear ones.

As we know, there is a lot of stigma around the LGBTQIA+ community, and people think it is natural. So, what are your views about it? Have you ever had any firsthand experience in discrimination regarding your sexual orientation?

Yes, I experience such incidents in my everyday life. One such instance is when my mother always supports and says it is okay if you are gay. But, then she also adds that do not show or tell to other people. By showing, she means doing my eyebrows, waxing, and stuff (which I kind of like doing). In other instances, I will point out that when I tell anyone that I am gay, they try to distance me, thinking that I am going to ask for a date or something like that, which is very hurtful. I also see many relatives joke about the people belonging to the LGBTQIA+ community without having any education and awareness about the concept. I feel very sad after listening to the flawed assumptions people have in their minds.

Have you ever felt ashamed of your sexuality?

I never felt ashamed of myself or my sexuality ever but, many times, people say things that are very hurtful and disappointing. To my surprise, I receive many hateful comments, not only from straight people but even from my community itself. To answer your question, I have never felt ashamed of myself or my sexual Identity. Instead, I am proud of coming out and being who I am today.

What do you think about removing the stigma and creating awareness about accepting the LGBTQIA+ community?

For this one, I am not sure about how we can remove the stigma. As we all know, more than half of the society is not even aware of the existence of this community at all. It is pretty disappointing and we still have a long way to go. In my personal opinion, the main thing we can do is make this thing normal and not any bad habit. We should be aware that no matter what, love is love (irrespective of gender, sex, or any other aspect). Yes, I will mention that now many movies and shows are coming up portraying gay couples. However, I have noticed that either the couple gets streamlined, or the film doesn’t get much attention. Thus, we have to work most importantly, we need to educate and create awareness about the community and its issues. In the end, teach them that we are humans too, and we have the right to love anyone we want. I also want to point out that parents should first start accepting their child’s sexual identity. Getting acceptance and support from home can make your journey a lot easier to fight this stigma.

According to you, what is the importance of pride month?

Pride month is essential majorly for creating awareness about our community. I see a lot of LGBTQIA+ influencers and even straight people participating in pride marches and other activities. We all come across different videos and posts to understand various aspects and domains of our community. But, to be honest, in my opinion, Pride does not make a tremendous impact on the LGBTQIA+ community. It is majorly for those who are out with confidence and fighting against the stigma. But, the main issue occurs for those who haven’t come out of the closet yet. In my own experience, Pride month didn’t help me much when I wasn’t open about my sexual orientation. Although it promotes self-affirmation, dignity, equality, and increased visibility of LGBTQIA+ community people as a social group, before focusing on pride month, we should focus on helping and supporting people to come out so that they can stand proud of their identity. Pride is the predominant outlook that bolsters most LGBTQIA+ rights movements as opposed to shame and social stigma.

Moreover, I also liked the pride marches that used to happen before the pandemic. But, we all know the reaction of people against these pride marches. Thus, the main thing is to curb the stigma and support LGBTQIA+ youth coming out.

Right now, *STATE* does not fully protect gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender people from discrimination. These people could still be unfairly fired or be turned away from public spaces because of who they are. How does this make you feel?

Yes, I will agree with you on this. It is so terrifying to witness and hear all this. Moreover, it breaks my heart when people can be so rude just because you love someone of the same gender. I have not gone through any of this till now, but I am aware that I have to go through these struggles to have my rights. Moreover, I have experienced many battles and witnessed various hurtful incidents that I mentioned earlier. The main thing that hurts me the most is that I expect most from my generation’s people. But, to my surprise, many people of my same age group have flawed assumptions and discriminate against me because of my sexual orientation. I want to ask people, how will they feel if they face such tantrums and fight with society every day. And things are the worst for transgender people. All I can say is we are not as lucky as straight people.

What are some of your favorite things about your community?

I know being a part of the community makes you feel empowered and acknowledged but, I don’t believe much in the community thing as everyone has their problems and can relate to just one extent. Moreover, if you are not living together, you really cannot understand the depth of issues. Furthermore, no community helped me discover myself and fight for my good, but it helps fight for our national rights. However, until we do not fight for ourselves in our society, we cannot fight for our national rights. Majorly, I did everything on my own. I received some support from my family and friends, and not to forget my partner. My mother and my partner are my support system. Because of them, my life is so beautiful right now, and I have gained a lot of confidence in myself. So, the main thing that will help you with coming out, will be being you and accepting who you are.

Do you think Indian media (movies and shows) are showing your community in the right way?

In my opinion, every topic has two sides. Many TV shows and Bollywood movies have shown the LGBTQIA+ and the culture in the right way. However, on the flip side, we have other films (like Dostana) that have stereotyped the concept and portrayed it in a very homophobic way. Some movies and shows are recent ones like Shubh Mangal Zyada Savdhaan or Margarita with a Straw, which show the LGBTQIA+ journeys excellently and authentically. I liked how these movies reflect the actual struggles and journeys of LGBTQIA+ people. But, the main thing that is causing more hate and prejudice is meme culture. Every day, I see many memes on social media platforms about LGBTQIA+ (making fun of our Identity, dressing sense, and personalities). It is just so disappointing to see how people can make fun of someone for just being themselves. So, the meme culture and the hatred from other social media platforms should be stopped.

Do you think society can play a role in curbing this stigma surrounding the LGBTQIA+ community?

Yes, in my opinion, it is the main actor in the whole story. If society hadn’t promoted any standard or ideal type of relationships, there would be no stigma or discrimination. Society can play a huge role in curbing this stigma around LGBTQIA+. And, I would say, this will start from their own houses by accepting their children. From my personal experience, I have witnessed parents supporting people outside the boundaries of their homes, but being gay or lesbian is a disease for them if there is someone from their own family. Thus, parents should firstly normalize this notion of sexual Identity in their own homes. Moreover, to spread awareness about LGBTQIA+ and their culture, we can have pride marches without violent reactions or controversies as in the past. And, the one major thing is that society should teach this concept in schools only to enhance confidence among children so that they will not think twice before coming out about their sexual orientation.

In the end, I want to say that we now have an idea about the challenging journey and struggles of LGBTQIA+ as a community through this interview. It is so hurtful to see people fighting to be accepting of who they are. We have traveled a long distance to reach where we are today. People are coming out and have started standing up for themselves. Moreover, we have various TV series and movies reflecting the concept in the right way without stereotyping. In current times, many LGBTQIA+ personalities are coming out and standing up for the community, like Rohit Bal (Fashion Designer), Shonali Bose (Director), and others. They have achieved a lot and have added grace to society with their talents. Still, there is a long way to go, and we have to keep fighting for rights and acceptance. We should know, it is okay to love anybody and be who we are without blindly following stereotyped norms.

On a positive note,

“It’s all about the wine and not the label.”

SCHITT’S CREEK (ENGLISH TV SHOW)

Written by:

Ishika Khandelwal

Reviewed by:

Manvi Mehrotra