A Real Struggle in Silence with Mental Health: Opinion V/S Support

TRIGGER WARNING: STRONG IMAGERY FOR INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, Mention of words and expressions; Depression, Bipolar, Eating disorders, self-harm, suicide etc.

“The worst part of being truly alone is you think about all the times you wished that everyone would just leave you be. Then they do, and you are left being, and you turn out to be terrible company.” ~John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Imagine being enclosed in a gloomy room, blindfolded, and with nowhere to go. Trying to escape but only the failure holds your hand. At one point in time, one can only give up but survival instinct grabs tighter. All the good memories fade away slowly, leaving one suffocated. Now even giving up is not an option. Just flapping arms all around trying to find an exit. One must have faced such a situation once in a lifetime. Consider yourself lucky if you haven’t. But even imaging gives a chill down the spine. What if there is no one to support you and pull you out of this dungeon. All people can do is tell you what you can do, to get out of there. Worse, tell you what you must have done to not reach that place. All this leads you to drown even deeper.

“I was swimming in that dark pool For a very long time that I didn’t know, I couldn’t find the exit to the mind All I could see was my fears grow… Thoughts intrude in and out Everyone abandoned my soul, I hid all the pain inside Barging thoughts had no control…” ~ Labhanshi Mittal (Fathoming: Depth of my thoughts)

Try to think on the next level now. People who suffer through depression, struggle with themselves for themselves. Above that, nobody can see this battle since it’s all in the mind and the person can’t explain it. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), 264 Million people across all age groups suffer from depression. Around 8,00,000 people die due to suicide every year. Suicide is now the second most common death cause in people aged 15-29. All of this because they couldn’t get out of their head? Because no one could support them enough, to keep the primordial fire burning?

Quoting Demi Lovato, an American singer who had suffered bipolar disorder, anorexia nervosa (binge type), and self-harm, “You don’t have to struggle in silence. You can be un-silent. You can live well with a mental health condition, as long as you open up to somebody about it, because you must share your experience with people so that you can get the help that you need.”

One can always get help if they want to but the real question is why don’t people ask for it? Is it just them or are we ready to help and support them the way they deserve?

Restating the case of Demi Lovato, she admitted that she had bulimia, harmed herself through ‘cuts’, and self-medicated with drugs and alcohol. Just like many adolescents do to ease their distress. Adding to this she discovered her ‘bipolar disorder’ and admitted to using cocaine several times. She nearly overdosed herself and it breached her ability to perform. Even after trying severe psychotherapy, she failed several times. After six years of sobriety, she relapsed with an opium overdose.

Following all this was a whole lot of criticism. Rather than supporting and wishing good health, people were quick to condemn the singer. Nobody gave a single thought about what she must have gone through. Her management team didn’t extend any help that she required, making things worse. Not just one artist, but Selena Gomez, another American singer, struggled with anxiety and depression due to hate comments. She was diagnosed with post-surgical depression after her kidney transplant. In 2020, she was also diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. People were quick to react again with all kinds of ‘advice’ and ‘opinions’.

Many renowned artists like Taesoo Jun, Hara Go, Jonghyun Kim, Sulli are among the most common faces who died by suicide. They suffered through anxiety and depression, getting little or no support at all. Hate comments and backlash from the media pushed them to the verge of it. Considering all this, the question is still the same. Can people open up their minds and hearts? If they do, will they get the required help and support?

Many celebrities are speaking up about their struggles with mental illnesses. Various channels on mainstream social media are publishing articles, blogs about mental health. They are helping spread awareness and break the stigma. It is evident that there is progress but why is it still hard to talk about these illnesses? Why do people still find it difficult to talk about their struggles? Too that with their own family and friends?

The prejudices and stigmas that people hold when it comes to mental health are still deeply rooted. The apprehension of being perceived as ‘different’ or ‘not normal’ is the driving force behind these prejudices. This fear is the focal point of the fear of people. They find it difficult to open up and talk about their struggles.

Prejudices about mental health are initiated because of misinformation. A person might not want to open up about being anxious or depressed. This is because of the thought that people may oversimplify their struggle. They often think that it can be labeled as mere ‘stress’.

Words can make a huge impact on someone struggling with mental issues. When trying to help an individual, the first thing to keep in mind would be saying the right words to make them feel acknowledged. Instead of giving ‘opinions’ and ‘advice’, try listening to them and think from their perspective. No matter how good one’s intentions are, some expressions are better left unsaid:

“It’s all in your head”

Mental health issues, not only affect a person’s emotional wellbeing but physical health as well. It is trivializing and ignoring the physical symptoms that various disorders cause. Symptoms like; nausea, disturbed sleep patterns, headaches, disturbed appetite, and more.

“It is only a phase”

This is a dismissive attitude that is trying to rationalize a serious issue. This is how many are led to believe that what they feel is not a topic of concern.

“Things could be worse”

A person can drown in a 7ft pool or a 20ft pool but is still drowning. Comparing one’s pain and struggle to others can belittle one’s experience and arouse feelings of guilt.

“Try to be positive”

Thinking that a positive attitude can fix an issue is unrealistic and inappropriate. It is equivalent to telling someone with a fever to go out and play instead of providing treatment.

“Everyone feels a little depressed/bipolar/OCD sometimes”

Using these terms for feeling upset, moody, and particular at times is undervaluing the suffering of people. Those who are diagnosed with these disorders feel as if their symptoms are ‘normal’. Then they are less likely to seek professional help.

Instead of using these words and sentences, try thanking them for sharing their feelings. Acknowledge their pain and struggles. Be there for them and make sure they know it. Listen to them and focus on their feelings instead of providing opinions. Encourage them to seek support and validate their feelings.

“Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that the better for us all.” ~Erik Erikson

Now imagine being enclosed in the same gloomy room, blindfolded and nowhere to go. But this time instead of failure, a person holds your hand. Instead of being alone, someone encourages and understands you. They don’t criticize your moves or insert a piece of advice. Wouldn’t that make it easier to survive in the room or if possible they help you find a way out?

It is important to remember that mental health issues are not permanent. They do not define an individual. They can be treated when professional help and support. When someone around you is suffering and struggling, do not dismiss their feeling. Listen to them and be there to help and support them. Don’t forget to remind them;

“You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared, and anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a negative person. It makes you human.” ~Lori Deschene

Written by:

Labhanshi Mittal (I-YEAR)

Santushti Anand (I-YEAR)

Review by:

Aasis Sethi (II-YEAR)

Manvi Mehrotra (II-YEAR)